Seriously, i'm getting tired.
She dun even bothers about me.
Suddenly pop out one guy out of no more.
Suddenly this guy ditch her?
Or she ditch him?
And now,
Got a new bf, new life, everything is good for her now.
i'm happy. but please dun forget about me.
For all i know, maybe i'm worthless.
maybe she is RIGHT.
What can i give her in future?
i'm uneducated, i'm retarded, No certificate or whatsoever.
No money, No car, No credit card, no Nothing...
NOTHING AT ALL.
Good friend told me,
'' You waited for her for 9mth plus, what did you get? she doesn't give a damn about you. Ain't you stupid or dumb? You're just wasting your bloody time only. ''
YES I'M DUMB!
YES I'M STUPID!
But its all because i love her..... [20/06/2006, Ailaohuyou180108]

Another thing is,
What for i'm contacting people who doesn't give a damn about me?
maybe i should delete all my contacts.
People who wants to contact will truly contact me.
What for i'm keeping these worthless names and contacts in my phonebook?
Maybe i should learn from Justin how to classified them .
'' Hey! Guess what!? You're in my shit list! Cause you're a Shit friend!''
I have no confidence in myself now.

Things ain't going smoothly for me.
I'm always lost nowadays.
dun really know what to do.
well, seriously i dun even know who am i?
and why i'm born here?
what is my propose in earth?
Is my father really is my father?
Someone... Please, guide me........






I dun know what i want, what are my goals, what are my dreams.
My only wish is to be with you.
I'm going in NS soon. i really hope that i could see you.
You know that i'll be always waiting for you.

This is the least that i could help you....
All i wish is to see you...
What is my feelings towards you you should know.
All along it haven changed..

Over these few months.
All these times.
i still cant get over you.
i feel that my life is a total mess.
i'm totally stress out, totally alone, totally lonely, totally out of my mind.
I cant breath at all. Feel that everything is unrealistic.
Feel that the world is in a mess.
Every smile to me is so fake. Feeling everyone is being hypocrite.
WHO SHOULD I TRUST?
i can no longer ask myself as i cant even deference it myself.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?



told me not to do anything foolish.
told me that you love me.
tell me you will love me again.
for you, i'll changed.

Ignore this post because i'm jus complaning my sorrows.









i'm in alot of pain.
my heart aches!
why why why?
i'm crying right now.
I NEED UE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why do i have to face this alone?
Do ue ever face this problem before?
do i really think too much?
its all possible!!!!!!!!!!!
IN THE END IT ALL HAPPENED ON TO ME!
NO ONE CANT BRING JOY TO ME.
ITS JUS A FAKE STUPID SMILE SO THAT YOU ALL COULD LESS WORRIED ABOUT ME
I'M NOT THE PAST KOH HONG XIONG ANYMORE!
U'RE CHANGING ME!
I JUST WISH I'M BLIND!
SO THAT I CANT SEE THIS WORLD.
I WISH I'M CRIPPLE!
SO THAT I CANT WALK ON THIS WORLD!
I'M JUST USELESS!
IS THIS WHAT ALL OF UE THINK OF ME ISN'T IT?
EVERYTHING TO ME ITS LIKE BLACK AND WHITE.
THE FOOD I EAT EVERYDAY BECOME TASTELESS.
EACH DAY IS LIKE A LIVING HELL TO ME
I'M JUST A WALKING ZOMBIE.

I HATE GOD!
FOR CREATING SO MUCH OBSTACLE FOR ME!
I HATE GOD WHY HE HAVE TO GIVE ME A BROKEN FAMILY!
I HATE MY MUM FOR WANTING MONEY INSTEAD OF ME!
I HATE MUM FOR ABANDON ME!
I HATE MY MUM WHY SHE HAVE TO DO NASTY THINGS TO ME!
I HATE GOD WHY HE HAVE TO GIVE ME A MENTALLY CRAZY STEP MUM!
I HATE GOD WHY MY STEPSISTER HAVE TO BE ILL-TREATED BY THEIR MUM!
I HATE GOD WHY HE TOOK AWAY DAD'S SMILE AWAY FROM ME!
I HATE GOD FOR MAKING MY DAD SO SAD.
I HATE GOD WHY HE HAVE TO DISTANT ME AND DAD AWAY!
I HATE GOD WHY HE HAVE TO CREATE ME AND SUFFER ALL THESE SHIT!
IF I WAS NOT BORN, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO GONE THROUGH ALL THESE!
ABOVE ALL THESE, THE MOST HATED THING IS!!!!!!!!!
myself.....















hey fuckers!
Dun bullshit me saying that i'm childish!
and i already say it, ignore this post.
thank you for your consideration.

Went to work today with Samantha, Alvin and NOOB Gene.
Was paid to SIT and DO NTH.
Bored to death.
Gene and i wanted to save money on food so we da bao food from home.
gene da bao food from coffeeshop.
$1.50 chicken rice. o.o
Me and gene work in pairs.
Went to New town Pri.
The female principle is so arrogant.
We check the PSLE papers and left.
The principle was so slow.
But nvm. the longer the better. Our pay goes by hourly pay.
Next is Boon Lay Garden Pri.
The male principle is different from the New town pri Principle
Fast and steady. lols. No hiccups at all.
A retired teacher tell us
This is what they meant how different men and women work. O.O
is that true? find out yourself. lols. observe your friends=x
Back to Tiong Bahru Examination Centre,
make cupboard and tape them.
5.30pm finished work.
i planned to go Zara but in the end went home.
Saw Samantha and co. at 79 and slack there.
Brain shut down....
Don't know what i'm doing.
Went to basketball court after they left.
Play some ball. Received a call from home.
Guess what? Its my Grandma birthday!
AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT!!!!
I'M SORRY!!!!!!
Went home after some rest.
Grandma fell asleep. =[
Guess i could tell that she's quite disappointed. =[
I'm the oldest grandson and i did not celebrate her birthday.
I'm going to use my pay and buy her a present. =]

Went out with gene shopping.
Bought my yellow freshbox shirt.
Went walking around Ochard.
We Left with only $4.80,
Me and gene eat 1 curry puff each for dinner.
Went to sengkang to find my dad.
Its been a long time since i saw him smile. =']
bus home.

Went for a haircut. btw. i reborn my hair 2 days ago.
Cut short my fringe!
And its very short right now!
but its alright. lols.
Shall take pic tomorrow.
Gene come to accompany.
was very moodless the whole day till gene came.
well, what can you say when your good Bro
come to find you when you're feeling down.
I would say, '' Best Buddy!!!!''
Thanks gene! i need it.
slack with gene and Samantha, hui qi, rizal.
Den came my other friends.
Gene went to find his gf at 9.40pm.
lobang him to bus stop.
Went to have supper with Anthony
slack till 1.30am.
HOMED
Another boring and lifeless Day

Same Routine Daily.
Went to find gene at 10.30pm plus.
meet benson at his house downstairs.
Chit-chat till last bus and went home.
i took a longer road home.
Was really feeling very lonely and sad.
Walk from interchange to home.
Saw Rizal and Samantha at void deck.
Decided to accompany them.
Reach home at 2.40am.

4Oct
Met up eric and went shopping at town.
My leg is so beat up.
bought a Fourskin black jean.
Bought a Zara shirt for seng guan.

Went to attend
my pri sch friend birthday celebration.
Seng Guan Happy belated Birthday.
Saw nicole, manfred, junming, chiong ee.
All were in 6D except for that chiong ee. lols.
Seng guan is so drunk. Lols
i only drink one cup of vodka. =]
though i'm sad but i dun feel like drinking.
Or should i say i'm trying to change myself
for someone else? sigh.

Went to sengkang with them.
and Seng guan VOMIT IN THE BUS!!!
the indian man sitting in front of
seng guan immediately change seat.
The bus stinks!!

Alight and then eric told me cant go his cousin huse.
His parents are back.
den cab home.

Shall not say much about the past few days.since its the same.
Went to sheesha. Its Sharron's birthday.
Happy Birthday!
Not in the mood for celebration though.
trained home after that.

Went to work with gene, sam, glen and 2 glen's friend.
Tear down the lighting. Food there is so expensive.
Thanks to F1 race we have jobs. lols!

Me and Gene's legs.









Night Scenery.




Our working Condition. ( bangala's type of job? )



Whahahaha!! Free drinks! Not steal one.
lols

Been Drinking for the past 2 days.
Mango, Ruby Red, absolute vodka.
Did i get drunk? Somehow yes and no. =.-
I really wish to be drunk 2 years Back during that chalet
Where my love one would take care of me when i'm drunk.
Things would be very difficult for me to move on now.
As there is a Big scar on my heart.
There will be a voice whispering in my head,
saying, ' dun go for it, ue will get hurt for sure'
Things will be different from now on.
Things will not be the same.
Ue were right. Things would never be the same.
Its not caused by me but YOU.
The last phone called to ue.
The last time we met.
Ue attitude ue showed me.
All these i'll nvr forget...

Tonight i shall drink till drunk!
To numb my heart with alcohol.
Cheers!

Sick today. Vomit last night.
And its disgusting la!
Cant eat after that.
Anthony Bought fishball noodles for me.
Only eat not even half of it.

Sunday morning sent my family to the airport.
My uncle took me for MacDonald Breakfast!
Yea. And was relaxing at home whole day long.
Yet somehow i find that doing house chores is fun! o.O
But its tiring. =.- Yea. Eric coming to stay over night for 3 days. =]
And some other friends came by to my house to keep me accompany.

I love walking alone at night.
Feeling the winding touches my face,
Listening to soft music,
Forgetting everything that
happened to your surrounding
In that instance,
i feel i'm like a bird.
Flying around with the wind
freely......

Cant sleep the whole night last night, was so confused and mood less.
Went to void deck around 5.30am
The whole void deck is covered with BUGS!!!
Disgusting. Went home at 7am+
Finally able to sleep.
Today rot at void deck whole day long with
sharron, jesslyn, darance and chee kah.
Problems after problems.
Shall not talk about it.
Met Anthony and slack till 12am midnight.

Another Ordinary day.
Went to find Jesslyn (God of NOOB) near her sch to buy cig
ended up buy at interchange.
slack at 333 coffeeshop.
The Sharron said she reached. Ended up we reach earlier den her.
Noob God took 2 pics and edited for me =]
Slack at 134 and the bing hong came.
Do nth and rot till they went home.
Just nice Darance came and went find Hui Qi(Dumb) and Co. =D
Unlucky sia. Walk till coffeeshop den rain.
Darance and i went up till 10floor trying to steal a fucking umbrella,
not even ONE umbrella can be seen! =.- yeah.
Hui qi have one umbrella so i transport them one by one to blk 80.
And i got myself wet lo, But its okay. =]
Slack till 7pm den find God Noob and co.
Super duper moodless.
den suddenly very high. Moodswing? o.O
Singing at void deck very loudly. =x
went home at 9pm++